


From Now On We Are Enemies

by Daisy1600



Series: Darkness And Despair Series [2]
Category: Lucha Underground
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Bullying, Child Abuse, Depression, Domestic Violence, Happy Ending, Heartbreak, High School AU, Homophobia, Homophobic Slurs, Loss of Parent(s) (mentioned), M/M, Mentions of non-graphic sex and intimacy, PTSD, Prequel to Darkness And Despair, Suicidal Tendencies, Thoughts of Self-harm, Thoughts of Suicide, Whump, Wrestling, past relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-08
Updated: 2017-10-03
Packaged: 2018-12-25 07:06:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12030735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daisy1600/pseuds/Daisy1600
Summary: The prequel toDarkness And Despair.After being in a romantic, loving relationship with his best friend Trevor for a few months, Johnny is forced by his abusive uncle to cut all ties with him or else he and the junior will both be beaten to death.And Johnny, being the selfish, emotionally unstable teenager his is, dumps his friend and lover and begins to severely bully him to keep him in his life.(It will have a happy ending, I promise).





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Rated M for dark themes, Violence, and mentions of close intimacy as well as mentions non-graphic sex.

"You sure you can't stay for another hour?" Trevor questioned, watching his lover dress from where he lay in bed, tired and worn out from the quickie they'd just had. 

"I really wish I could stay the night after all that we did.. but I know my uncle will be suspicious if I'm out till midnight for the third night this week." Johnny replied as he zipped up his jeans and made a grab for his shirt that lay atop the younger's bed. But before he could grab the faded band tee, Trevor had already taken it and hidden it beneath the sheets that cover his bare skin. 

"Babe, I mean it. I really do have to go or else Mandel is gonna- He's probably already had a bit to drink and it's best not to aggravate him. You seriously shoulda seen the way he was looking at me when I came home at one in the morning on Tuesday. It was almost like he could tell exactly what I'd gotten down to that night.." 

He felt his insides twist into a knot at the sight of his.. best friend and lover's face dropping. It hurt even more when the boy hid his face in the pillows and pretended everything was all right and that he didn't feel just a little bit let down every time he and Johnny slept together and the long haired junior had to leave not twenty minutes later. Which happened to be how things have been working out ever since spring break ended and school started back up again. 

Trevor slowly and hesitantly pulled the shirt out from under his bedsheets and handed it back over to Johnny without once meeting his eyes. "Yeah, I get it John. I just- I really miss you. I miss being able to hold after we.. y'know." 

"Have amazing sex?" He supplied helpfully, causing the other junior to break out into an adorable, shy little smile he buried his face in the pillows to try and conceal. He slipped the cotton band tee over his head and proceeded to sit beside his friend on the bed. "But in all seriousness, I also really miss you too and wish I could stay after we.. make love to hold you close for longer than just twenty minutes." 

The younger boy lifted his head from the pillows and smiled sadly, reaching out to lace his fingers through those of his best friend and lover. "I know you do, babe.. and I'm probably just overreacting to everything and blowing things out of proportion, but, uh.. yeah." 

"I'll make it up to you, Trevy. I promise." He said sincerely before leaning across the shorter boy's body to plant a sweet, lingering kiss on his lips. 

"See you at school, John. I love you." 

"I love you too, baby." Now it was his turn to feel sad and maybe just a little bit empty inside as he pressed another kiss to Trevor's lips and felt the boy's hands grip tightly at the fabric of his shirt when he tried pulling away. He let out a breathy laugh, placing both hands on either side the younger's handsome face and somehow managing to keep himself from getting sidetracked and kissing him silly as he looked directly into his sad brown eyes. "Don't look so sad, Trevy. I'll see you in prison- uh, school in just a few short hours." 

"See ya then, I guess." Trevor replied, leaning in to kiss him once more before he had to escape through the window to avoid waking the boy's guardian. He only glanced back at the younger's form after every painful step he took toward the large window conveniently located beside a huge tree.

"Bye." He smiled sadly at the other boy, watching him grab a pillow that rested beside his head and pull it close to his chest. He wished with all his heart that he could stay longer and hold his lover close to him, bask in the warmth that no doubt radiated off his form after they exerted themselves to the fullest extent. 

And with that, he lifted up the relatively large window and climbed out onto the small section of roof that lay beneath it. He then turned back toward the window, looking through the smudgy glass and observing closely as Trevor pulled the standard size pillow impossibly closer to his chest, pressing his face into it and digging his fingers into it's fluffy body. He couldn't tell if he was crying or just trying to find something to comfort him after having an emotional and physical bonding experience with him. It wasn't their first time, nor did it last very long, but that did _not_ mean it wasn't special to them all the same. 

Every moment, every touch, every kiss they shared was emotionally grounding, yet at the same time made Johnny feel as though he were about to explode from how much of himself he shared with the younger. They'd been friends since the beginning of middle school, Trevor being the one to awaken all thoughts of.. being with another male. He'd suppressed said feelings for the longest time until very recently when his friend had come out to him as gay. That's when everything changed. That's when he gathered his thoughts a few months back and visited the younger's house on a late Friday night when his guardian wasn't home, and confessed his feelings to him in the dark of his bedroom. They'd kissed many times that night, even going so far as to go _all_ the way and work out their frustrations as well as their deepest desires.

It wasn't like they hadn't had moments before they consummated when they were doing the most menial of tasks, such as Spanish homework they'd been assigned by Ms. Santos, or possibly even just eating their lunch, and one of them would look up, catching the others eye and quickly darting theirs away. They'd both felt the signs of attraction many months before his late night confession.  
Years, even. 

So, yeah. It wasn't too big of a surprise when they'd ended up on Trevor's bed, Johnny slowly kissing up and down his neck until he'd found his pulse point and focused on making him gasp out in pain and pleasure as he nibbled at the warm skin. His hands trembling as they slowly and hesitantly traveled up the younger's shirt until Trevor urged him to continue, his blunt fingernails creating crescent shaped indentations in his back through the material of his sweatshirt that was quickly discarded along with his shoes and socks. The emotionally moving experience was still oh-so fresh in his adolescent mind, and he carried the memory around everywhere he went. Never once wanting to forget the sounds and confessions that spilled from the other boy's lips as they embraced in such a way that could only be described as making love. It wasn't too quick, too slow, too hard, or too fast. It felt just right once they got the hang of things and learned what exactly the other liked and disliked. 

The memory of their first time pained him like nothing else as he turned away from the window and proceeded to grab ahold of the tree beside him and climb down it one branch at a time. He made sure to bend his knees and try landing as softly and quietly as possible as he made the four foot jump from the last branch to the hard packed dirt below. He managed to only stumble a couple of feet as his stinging feet made impact with Mother Nature's brown creation. He quickly brushed some dirt off of his jeans and kept quiet as he darted down the street to where he'd parked his car a couple hours ago. 

He made it to his car within a minute, choosing to forgo using the loud clicker to unlock his vehicle and opted for using his physical key instead. Since it was really late at night -nearly enough to be classified as being early morning-, he kept his headlights off as he very slowly and cautiously made his way down the street devoid of any activity such as people walking around or cars driving past. Once he was in the clear and two streets away from the one Trevor and his guardian Konnan lived on, he turned his headlights back on and decided on popping in a CD to keep him company on the fairly short ride home. 

It was ten minutes later that he turned his headlights back off and parked in his uncle's driveway, unbuckling himself to let out a shaky breath and lean his forehead against the steering wheel, hands tangled in his hair as he silently prayed to not have to go inside the building. It was way past midnight and his uncle was bound to be rather unhappy with him showing up so late for the third time that week. Not only did he have a huge secret he was keeping from Mandel, but he also had someone to protect.  
He loved Trevor with all his heart and would do anything for him in a heartbeat without ever stopping once to think about how he may feel about being protected. He knew his friend could take care of himself if need be, since he was the best wrestler in the entire roster at school, but if he had the option to keep him away from his own home life and violent uncle.. well, he'd damn well choose to follow through with it. Even if he'd have to push him out of his life to do so. 

Keeping all that in mind, he slipped his key out of the ignition and painfully slowly opened the door. The second his boots made contact with the concrete of his driveway he wanted to jump right back in his vehicle and drive far, far away with his.. friend. Get away from his toxic, abusive uncle and never look back. But he knew that that wasn't an option, as he was still in high school, and Trevor had a loving guardian and a life of his own. He didn't need Johnny dragging him down into his sea of problems, possibly even ruining his own life in the process. He took a shaky breath, shutting his car door as quietly as he possibly could before he began taking slow and heavy steps toward the front door of his moderately sized house. The white picket fence that surrounded him made him sick. There was nothing _normal_ about his family. So why lie to the world by putting up this facade to make people think that they were the perfect little family, that Mandel wasn't homophobic, abusive, and alcoholic. That his _real_ family, who loved him dearly no matter what, didn't die tragically in a house fire when he was a child. When he just so happened to be at school. 

He quite vividly remembers a police officer that went by the name Azteca, sitting him down in the principles office and letting him down easy. Even allowing him to cry into his shoulder until he ran out of tears and he was a dehydrated mess. And that's when the officer contacted his uncle, and Mandel came to pick him up. He's lived with him ever since, but the.. the anger and aggression only started once he entered middle school. Right around the time he first met Trevor. He didn't like to admit it to himself often, but the boy saved him in more ways than one. 

Mandel's.. aggression wasn't based off the fact that Johnny happened to be interested in people of the same sex, but rather everything else about him. He knew nothing about his relationship with Trevor, and he'd like to keep it that way. But seeing as the way things have been going lately.. his uncle might already have an inkling as to why he's been staying out late and coming home past midnight with a scared, guilty look in his eye. It felt as though the guy could read him like an open book, see right through his lies and the mask he wears to protect himself and his friend. And it's only a matter of time before he finds out about everything and gives him the beatdown of his life. Shows him no mercy as he spews insults at him while his hands bruise and batter him.  
It was usually fairly easy -well, not impossible- to lie straight to Trevor's face as they got intimate, and tell him the marks are from doing parkour or wrestling. He usually believed him, not putting up too much of an argument when Johnny just kept denying that anything bad had happened to him. Especially not when he was pressing his lips and hands to the younger's hot to the touch skin, making him feel loved and wanted as their conversation died down and their breathing sped up. 

He made it up the last step of the porch and slid his key into the lock, twisting it and wincing at the squeaky sound the door emitted when he pushed it open. Upon stepping foot in his house, his heart rate sped up and his anxiety spiked. He tried controlling his breathing as he shut the door and it continued squeaking some more. There's no way in hell Mandel didn't hear _that_ from whatever room he was in. He slipped his keys back into his front pocket and headed toward the living room where the staircase was located. He'd almost made it to the landing, about to begin walking up the wooden steps when Mandel's voice pierced through the quiet of the house. Effectively making his eyes moisten the slightest bit, his hands shake, and his breathing stop all together. 

"Jonathan, how about you come and greet your uncle like a good little boy, and not the ungrateful son of a bitch you are."

It wasn't a question, it was an order. Mandel was always ordering him around. He should be used to it by now, but every time without fail, the elder managed to make him shake and shiver. Every time he stopped him when walking past, or looked at him for longer than necessary, he thought: _This is it. He knows about my secret, about my best friend, and he's going to kill the both of us._

He's had his fair share of moments at school when he thought that someone was going to beat him up pretty bad in wrestling practice, or a fight. But never, not in a _single_ one of those did he ever think that he was going to die. But when he came home every day and saw his uncle sitting in that leather arm chair of his.. it was like he knew for certain that that evil, evil man would one day be his demise. That he'd find out about his and Trevor's relationship and kill them both. 

He took small steps toward his uncle, trying his best not to fall into panic as he neared the man who was only a couple of inches taller than him. He's sure that one day he'll tower over him, but it won't make him feel any bigger in the sense that he could take him on. When you've been yelled at, beaten on, and kicked around since you were only tall enough to reach someone's waist.. you feel as though you'll never really be _big_ enough to face them. Bravery is not measured in inches, but rather in how you stand your ground no matter what size you are. Johnny felt anything but brave as he stopped a couple of feet in front of the armchair in which his uncle sat in. 

Mandel began speaking, and as he did so, Johnny could smell the all too familiar putrid stench of the alcohol that was being emitted from his mouth. "Care to clue me in as to where you've been all night. Or maybe where you've been all week. Where it is you stay for hours and hours after school let's out. Why you think you can sneak out at night and I won't notice." His uncle's voice sounded a lot less threatening than usual, but his facial expression and stiff body language gave away what his true intentions were. 

He tried keep a blank expression and attempted to refrain from fidgeting as he cooked up a big fat lie in that scared, traumatized head of his. But it was no use as he began to perspire and swallow harshly. "I was just studying at a friend's house. Lost track of time and fell asleep on the floor for a couple of hours. It won't- it won't happen again, sir." 

Mandel suddenly got to his feet, muscles tensed, flexed, and ready to inflict damage if he so desired. It made Johnny back up a couple of feet, his uncle's large hand reaching out to grab ahold of his bicep, grip painfully bruising.  
The junior wasn't the only wrestler in the family. 

"How about you try again. And this time not **LIE TO MY FACE!** " His uncle shouted as loudly as he'd dare, making Johnny's lips quiver and his eyes well up with tears he wouldn't dare shed. It'd only lead to getting a worse beating. 

"I-I was hanging out with some friends.. and- and-" He got blunt nails dug into his muscled bicep, his wrist of the same arm being twisted with great force. Enough to make him cry out in pain and fall to his knees on the hardwood flooring, his arm still twisted in an uncomfortable position that made it feel as if it'd snap in half at any given moment. 

"Do you think I'm an idiot, Jonathan! Do you think I would be enough of a dumbass prick to believe your lame excuses!" 

A large boot was suddenly being pressed into his ribs as he laid on his front, arm now being pulled on and twisted so hard it felt like it was being ripped from its socket. He shrieked in pain, letting out quiet puffs of air from his mouth, teeth clenched to keep from screaming even louder as he struggled to form words. 

"I- I've been seeing a girl. T-that's why I've been coming home late and.. and sneaking out sometimes." 

His uncle's boot was suddenly lifted off of his ribs, the steel toe coming right back to kick him in the same spot. He gasped in pain, clutching at the arm that'd been released sometime during the brutal attack. Mandel tangled a fist in his long locks of hair, blunt, yet still somehow jagged, nails digging into his scalp as he yanked hard, forcing him to his unsteady feet. 

The older man seethed with anger as he leaned in close to sniff Johnny's shirt, hands still gripping hard at his hair. Then he shoved him back to the floor, his back falling against the coffee table by the small couch in front of the TV. He couldn't make a sound, as there was a remote pressing into his spine and making him see stars from how god damn much his body ached and burned for everything to just _stop_. He's sure that by now he has got to have a boot print shaped bruise covering his ribs as well as some lasting damage to his wrist and shoulder he couldn't stop touching, even as he lay sprawled across the wooden table. 

"You don't smell like perfume, Jonathan. You smell like **cologne**. And it's not yours. You're seeing a _boy_ , aren't you." Just like everything else Mandel ever asks him, it wasn't voiced as a question. He already knew the answer to his queries and just wanted to watch his nephew suffer trying to lie his way through life. 

He didn't reply, just stayed quiet as he breathed shallowly. If he were to.. to tell his uncle who it was he was seeing.. it'd likely end with Trevor getting the beating of his life. Mandel is the type of guy who wouldn't care if the kid's guardian was a lawyer, he'd break him in half and leave him for dead. Which in turn would leave Johnny dead. He'd want to die- would already _be_ dead if not for the other boy. Because he would've jumped off a ledge long ago if not for his friendship and love. Trevor.. he's the only good thing he's got going for him. Sure, he has a couple of casual friends that he talks to a little bit every now and then, such as Jack, Taya, or PJ, but they don't seem like they're.. mmm, _all there_.

A fist wrapped around his throat told him that Mandel wanted an answer. Wanted to hear him come out and say that he was.. interested in members of the same sex and was seeing a boy. Basically wanted him to give him one more reason to hate him and abuse him on the daily. 

" **AREN'T YOU!** " screamed the drunk bastard with his fist squeezing tighter and tighter until Johnny felt as though he was wrestling Matanza Cueto, the school principle's 'baby brother'. The only difference between the two things were that he knew he wouldn't be killed during a fight with him, there was a referee to supervise them. But alone at home with his uncle was a whole different story. He's damn well sure he could take on Mandel.. but at the same time he feels as though he can't. He's small and scared when around him.  
He feels twelve again. 

Fighting against the darkness bleeding into his peripheral vision, he manages to nod the slightest bit. Which angered his uncle. Causing him to lift him by the neck and slam his back directly into a nearby wall, which just so happened to be by the fireplace. His back made contact with the strip of jagged brick wall and his teeth instinctively sunk deep into his lip to try and keep him from screaming in pain. 

" **Aren't you**." The man seethed, finally releasing the bruising grip he had on his neck and throat. 

He coughed and gasped for a long moment, bending at the waist with hands bracing themselves atop his thighs as he no longer had the strength to stand up on his own. 

"Y-yes.." he managed to whisper through the lump in his throat and the tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. 

"So I was right. You are nothing but a useless faggot with nothing to live for and nobody to love you. Sometimes- No, all the time, I wish you had burned to death along with your parents. 'Cause know what, Jonathan? **I blame you**. You were the reason my own _sister_ died!" He tangled his fingers in Johnny's hair to raise the kid back to his full height. The other hand backhanding him across the face. 

"You better give me your goddamn phone so I can track down this disgusting, unholy, son of a bitch you're screwing around with and show him what happens when you mess with a Mundo. When you push your gay shit onto someone and think you can get away with it. I will kill him, Jonathan. And you're going to watch as I skin him alive. Right before I do the same to you, you unholy freak." 

"N-no. I-I won't." He whimpered out, still feeling the effects of that bitch slap he'd just received. Whether the sting came from the insults that were thrown his way or the actual slap itself, he couldn't tell. "I will _never_ give him up." 

A knee to the stomach, an elbow to the spine as he stands bent in half once more, and a leg sweep later, left him lying on the floor not able to move due to how much pain he was in. Why couldn't he just stand up for himself for once? 

"Either you fucking tell me who this grotesque little fag fuck buddy of yours is, or I go through your phone and find out myself. It's your choice, Jonathan." 

After a minute spent recuperating, he began to slowly crawl away from his uncle. He should've seen the steel toed boot to his stomach coming by now, but he didn't, and ended up right where he started. Barely able to breathe as he curled up in a ball and tried not to let anymore than a few tears escape his eyes. 

" **Tell me!** "

"Never." 

"Then give me your phone, faggot." 

"I'd rather take the worst beating of my life than _ever_ let you anywhere near him." A few angry, hot tears escaped his eyes, sliding down his cheeks and into his mouth. They tasted of salt and mucus. But the awful taste could not compare to the one he got from thinking of his best friend and lover getting hurt by the man who haunts his dreams. 

On cold winter nights when it rained cats and dogs and he held Trevor close to keep him safe from himself and the images and vivid memories that were instilled in his mind from a young age, it wasn't just to comfort the younger, but himself as well. He too had vivid memories of horrid experiences that stayed with him night and day. Haunting him whenever he closed his eyes, heard loud noises, or shouts. The only time he could ever escape the madness was when he was with him. He kept him sane, safe, and alive. And now he would have to do the exact same thing for him. Even if it meant he'd have to completely push him out of his life to do so. 

"Give me the damn phone, Jonathan. Or I _will_ have to break every bone in your god damn **body**." 

Before Johnny could even _think_ of saying no again, his uncle already had a hand in his back pocket. Searching for his phone and finding it on his first try. He soon got the large device thrown at his face when Mandel realized that it needed a passcode. He didn't have his fingerprint saved on the device, decided months ago when he first got it that he didn't ever want his uncle to find out what goes on in his personal life. In the beginning, when things between himself and Trevor were amazing, he knew a day like this would come. He never liked to think of it, always tried keeping it on the back burner, but he knew that one day, he'd have his heart ripped out. Knew that he'd rip his best friend's heart out too. And the knowledge that he'd have to do such a thing to the boy.. it hurt him more than any injury his uncle's ever inflicted on him. 

"Guess this means we're taking the broken bone route, you disappointment of a human being." He sent a rough kick to his left flank. "Pussy." Another kick to the ribs. " _Murderer_." A dozen stomps on his poor, abused stomach that contracted with every hit he took. " **Faggot!** " And for the grand finale, an elbow and all of Mandel's body weight free falling into his stomach that caused all of the air to escape his body before it was all being painfully sucked back in small bursts. He was too tuckered out to do anything but moan and sob in misery. 

_Am I going to die?_ , he asked himself, not quite knowing the answer as he lay shaking in absolute _terror_ for what's to come. 

He suddenly felt his his bruised and battered body being flipped over, his chin making slight contact with the hardwood floor. Then, all at once, one of his legs was being crossed over the other, Mandel now sitting atop his lower back and bringing his them toward himself. Pulling harder and harder until he felt like his leg or back was going to snap in half. He's done this exact submission hold with plenty of guys and gals on the team, and they've done the same to him, but none of them were quite as painful as this one. The amount of pressure his uncle was putting on his entire body was just too much to handle. If he could tap out and avoid having to tell the man the name of the guy he's seeing, he would. But that's not how it works in the real world. Here in the real world, you don't always get what you want. You can try, try with all your might, but your hopes and dreams for a better life will no doubt be ripped from your grasp one day.  
His are slowly being torn from his body, taking his depressed, heartbroken soul with them.

"L-let's make a deal.." he said, struggling to form words as he lies helpless beneath the crushing weight of his uncle's six-foot tall frame. 

"Would this deal happen to be tell me his name or I _will_ snap your shin in half. Possibly even even fracture a vertebra on this flexible back of yours that can only take so much before it lets go completely." 

He had to make the decision now. He had the idea in his head for a while now, just in case. But he wasn't sure if he really wanted to do this to his best friend and himself. It'd end in heartbreak for the both of them, but in the heat of the moment where it felt as if his leg was about to snap, he couldn't think rationally. Couldn't think clearly about how everything would effect Trevor. How sad and depressed it would leave the boy he loved so much feeling.  
So he fought hard to get the words past his clenched teeth. 

"I- I'll never contact him a-again, if you just.. drop everything and- and not go through my phone. I will never visit him again. Never.. never even talk to him, I swear."  
It all must've sounded like one huge lie to his uncle, but it was all true. Well, at least that's what he _thought_ was true in that moment.  
He'd later find out just how much he'd be.. talking to his friend. 

His back and leg were still being worn down and worked on big time as his uncle spoke up from where he sat atop his lower back. "You'll stop pretending to be a fucking fairy for attention, right Jonathan." 

And as much as it pained him to stoop to his uncle's level, he acquiesced. "Yes.. Yes, sir. There will be no m-more of that." 

After a long moment of silence, he was released from the hold. Legs hitting the hardwood floor and making his knees smack right into the bruising surface. He let out shallow breaths, trying not to make too much noise as he lay there feeling every bit of his uncle's beatdown. His field of vision darkened around his peripheral, and when he thought he was about to pass out for the night, Mandel grabbed the phone off the floor where it lay undamaged. 

"And you're not getting _this_ back until you're done being grounded for a month. I hope you've learned your lesson about experimenting with the likes of- With the Devil's creation that is homosexuality, Jonathan." 

He didn't reply, couldn't, and his uncle didn't bother trying to make him, so he allowed himself to slowly shut down and pass out for the night.


	2. Chapter 2

He woke up long before his passed out drunk uncle laying in the leather armchair did, willing himself up the stairs and into the shower where he sat on the floor as a continuous sizzling hot stream of water poured down on him. Turning his purple, blue, green, and red skin a dark shade of pink. He couldn't stop the tears that spilled from his eyes as he thought back to his.. conversation with his uncle the night previous. He'd have to do everything in his power to push his _best friend_ , who's unknowingly been there for him through it all, out of his life for good. He'd have to get rid of his only source of love, happiness, and emotional support. He'd likely fall into- he will fall into an even worse state of depression and misery without Trevor in his life. 

He would never again be all right without his best friend in his life, but it seemed the only way to keep him from getting hurt. 

With that in mind, he sat beneath the steady stream of boiling hot water for another five minutes. Crying the entire time. And even as he got dressed and snuck downstairs and past his uncle, headed toward his car parked outside the house, he continued to cry, and cry, and _cry_. 

His sobs that alternated between being loud and really loud quieted down as he pulled into the schools parking lot. Just like he always did, he showed up a good twenty minutes before school started. And you know who else happened to do the same thing?   
He knew the answer already, but couldn't stop himself from sighing at the sight of the mustard yellow car parked ten spaces away from him. Trevor wasn't in the car, meaning he was likely enough already in the dingy looking building, switching out the books in his backpack and locker while waiting for him to arrive. 

He leaned his head against the steering wheel for a long minute, sucking in deep, ragged breaths of air and releasing them shakily. He repeated the action until he could breathe without his throat constantly locking up and his shoulders quaking. He flipped the visor the hangs above his head down, lifting the mirrors cover and staring at the lit up mess in front of him. Trevor will no doubt notice the dried tear tracks on his face, as well as the inch and a half cut on his cheek he hadn't noticed until he showered that morning, the long sleeves on his body he wouldn't usually wear in spring, and his blotchy face. 

And, knowing his best friend, there's no way he'd be able to hide the sorrow in his eyes and his awkward gait caused from getting the shit kicked out of him. The scalding hot shower he'd taken had managed to alleviate the worst of his pain, but he still felt a dull ache everywhere. His throat hurt the least out of every injured part of his body. It merely felt a bit sore from him being choked until he nearly passed out. And now that he thinks of it, that sounds _terrible _. It's the worst he's been beat-up in.. as long as he could remember.__

__He'd just have to make it to the bathroom and wash his face before he inevitably bumps into Trevor and has to ignore him. Or maybe he'd have to vocally break things off with him. That sounds like one hell of a painful conversation. But if it's what needed to be done.. he'd have to suck it up and try and let him down easy without crying. Crying would mean he cared about him. Which is something he's not allowed to show the younger any longer. He's not allowed to know how much he loves him and wants to marry him one day._ _

__He unbuckles his seatbelt before opening his car door and shutting it with as little force as possible, seeing as he didn't have any strength left in his broken-down body. If he had any, he would've slammed the door as hard as he possibly could've._ _

__Shaking his head to rid himself all the depressing thoughts, he trundled over to the front steps of the school and held on tight to the railing to keep from keeling over and dying right then and there. He hesitantly pushed open the doors of the school and stumbled over to a row of lockers to keep himself in an upright position. Chancing a glance around the corner, he saw no sign of his friend. He must've already exchanged his books, which meant he was likely enough in the bathroom. But, just to be sure, he checked around the other corner, letting his eyes slide shut and a soft sigh escape his lips when he deemed the coast to be clear._ _

__He walked as quickly as he dared to over to his own locker, which happened to be dangerously close to Trevor's, and the bathroom he was no doubt inside of. Waiting for him to arrive at school and greet him with a bright smile, bringing him into a warm embrace with both his arms and lips, apologies for having to leave not long after they slept together the night previous falling from his lips before the younger could get a word in._ _

__Trying not to let his withering heart fall into the pit of his stomach, he listened carefully to the sound of a toilet flushing in the bathroom as he speedily entered his locker combination, cursing under his breath when he messed it up and had to start over. He managed to grab the backpack he'd left in there the day before, lock the thing back up, and run toward his first period class he didn't share with the younger before the bathroom door opened. He rapped his knuckles against the wooden door with a blurry glass panel on the upper section of it, hoping against hope his Biology teacher was in already. He should be, considering school starts in less than twenty. He let out a sigh of relief when the door opened to reveal Mr. Cuerno._ _

__The man who was usually wearing a bolo tie and a cowboy hat he made sure to take off before class, nodded at him, offering a soft 'Morning' in greeting. He didn't miss the way his teacher's eyes lingered on his form, taking in his current state and zeroing in on the scabbing cut on his cheek before clearing his throat and going back around to his large desk in the front of the room where he sat down and began tidying up some papers that lay strewn across the dark wooden surface._ _

__Johnny walked past his usual seat in favor of taking one in the back of the room by a trashcan that was in dire need of getting its contents dumped out. It wasn't the most pleasant smelling thing in the world, but it was better then being front and center in a forty-five minute long class that one of his casual friends PJ was usually partnered up with him in. He didn't need the kid asking him any questions about why he looked like crap and had a relatively fresh cut running across his cheek._ _

__"Are you all right, Johnny? You're not sitting in your usual seat by the front of the class." Asked a slightly concerned Mr. Cuerno that stood not three feet away from his desk._ _

__His presence startled Johnny, bringing him out of his distracting thoughts and reminding him of just how out of it he must've appeared to others. Especially his Biology teacher who's known him since freshman year. He ran a hand through his long locks, trying to covertly flip his hair over to one side and cover up the telling mark on his face. "I'm fine, Mr. Cuerno. Just.. I've had a rough day, and I'd rather not get into things."_ _

__The elder nodded slowly, humming quietly in thought. "If you're having problems at home, or if there's a bully getting physical with you, I should recommend visiting the guidance counselor to get help."_ _

__He tried not to worry his lip too harshly as he blinked slowly, feeling his chest tighten and his throat restrict at the thought of telling somebody- an adult about his situation. He would _not_ allow himself to cry in front of his usually fairly reserved teacher. Would not let himself appear small and weak in the eyes of anyone other than the man who made him the way he is. Mandel handcrafted him into the cowardly, unconfident, fucked up mess of a human being he is.   
He felt a tear slip down his cheek and quickly mopped it up with the sleeve of his shirt as he nodded the slightest bit. "I can fight my own battles." He whispered out of fear that if he spoke any louder he'd break the damn, burst into tears and never again be able to put up the facade he wore to mask his inner darkness and despair. The white picket fence around his heart, you could say. _ _

__Mr. Cuerno sighed softly, coming closer to crouch down beside Johnny and place a big, warm hand on his back. "Thing is, you don't have to do it alone, Johnny. I hope you see reason in my concern and bring up whatever your.. situation is with the counselor. I may not know exactly what it is you're going through, but I do know one things for sure; things _will_ get better. But only if you want them to." He finished, patting the junior's back a couple of times before making his way toward the front of the class to take a seat behind his desk once more. _ _

__Students began filing through the door not long after their mostly one-sided conversation._ _

__He made it through the lengthy class without getting too many questions about his current state from PJ, who, upon entering the room, caught sight of him and ran toward the back to partner up with him._ _

__There was really no such thing as getting a break around here, was there?_ _

__-_ _

__After first period ended and second block was about to begin in less than twelve minutes, he remembered that Trevor had the same class as him. Meaning that they'd both need to go to their lockers to grab the books needed for Algebra. Or Johnny could always just skip class to avoid having to look at his best friend he's no longer supposed to be in any sort of contact with. He couldn't bare seeing the sadness in Trevor's eyes if he were to show up and ignore him as best he could. It'd be far too painful.. Plus, there's no way he could put up an act so soon after making a deal with the devil to completely push the younger out of his life. How could he possibly pretend to be happy without his.. without his number one? The greatest thing- or rather, person, he's had in his life since he could remember._ _

__He took a different route than he usually did to escape the school and head out to his car where he'd lay down in the back seats and flash back to all that they've done in the vehicle. The places they've gone together in it.. Whether that be sexual or just driving out to the beach together, it didn't matter. The car was special, and the black paint on it happened to match his mood perfectly. The depressing color completely contradicted all the happy memories that were made in it, but, as he lifted his head enough to see out the windows in the back seats, he caught sight of Trevor's mustard yellow car and had to smile at how much the hue complimented the memories made in the vehicle. They've spent the batter part of their lives together, making each other feel things they've never felt for another human being as well as being the best friend a boy could ask for. As much as it pains him, drives a steak through his heart, Johnny knows it's for the best that they.. break things off and go their separate ways._ _

__It's the _only_ way to keep the Trevor safe, he told himself. He repeated the phrase like a mantra until his throat was dry as a desert and he was once again on the brink of tears. He wouldn't allow any more to fall as he pulled himself together and left the confines of his torture chamber filled with so much sentimental value it _hurt_. _ _

__Instead of kicking the shit out of the back tires of it like he wanted to, he slumped against the hood of the car for a long moment, wishing his uncle wasn't a piece of crap, and that love didn't hurt so much to lose. Guess you can't always get what you want.  
He still wondered how Mr. Cuerno could lie straight to his face and tell him that things will get better. He's losing the love of his life and.. a piece of himself. Things will **never** get better. He was about to release his long locks of hair from the tight grip he had 'em in when the loud sound of footsteps approaching from he didn't know where stopped beside him, the person casting a shadow over the hood of the car and himself. _ _

__"You all right, Johnny? I was- I just parked and.. you okay? Need me to call someone to come and get you?" Asked his fourth period History teacher, Mr. Striker. He sounded concerned, which wasn't out of the ordinary, as he cared about the well being of all of his students and had close, yet still professional, relationships with the majority of them._ _

__He disentangled his fingers from his hair and turned to face the history buff, a neutral expression on his face and his hair covering the cut on his cheek. He must've looked ridiculous, what with all the hair covering half his face, but his History teacher didn't comment on it. Merely inspected him more closely, fingers gripping tightly at the cup of coffee in his hand. "I'm fine, Mr. Striker. I was just.. I have a bit of a headache, and I was trying to.."_ _

__"Trying to what?"_ _

__"I was just trying to.. lower my head to, uh, lower its elevation."_ _

__"Uh huh.. Well, if you have a headache I suggest visiting the nurses office and not cutting class to hide out by your car." His teacher replied, adjusting the strap of his brown satchel slung over one of his shoulders._ _

__"Well, uh, thanks for the advice, Mr. S." Johnny worked up a closed mouth smile, trying his hand at making the whole situation a teensy bit less awkward._ _

__"Right.. Well, how about I escort you? To the nurses office, that is. I don't mean to be the 'uncool' teacher, but Dario would have my _head_ if I found a student trying to skip out on school and didn't step in and try to do something about it." _ _

__"No, I get it. You have a job to do. I wasn't actually trying to skip school anyway."_ _

__"Just second period, right?" Mr. Striker said, the jab accompanied by a wry smile._ _

__"Yeah, actually." He replied, gesturing for the well dressed man to lead the way toward the steps of the school. If he walked ahead of him, he might just see how strangely he's walking and start asking more questions._ _

__"Avoiding someone now, aren't we? Would it happen to be the same kid who gave you that gnarly scratch on your face?"_ _

__So, looks like the history buff _did_ notice the cut on his face and his efforts to hide it were for not. "Maybe." _ _

__"Well, whoever this.. kid is deserves to be reported to the principles office to be taken care of by Dario."_ _

__Johnny stayed silent, keeping his eyes downcast as he followed the man up the stone steps and in through the doors of the run-down school. Neither of them spoke much on the walk over to the nurses office, since there really wasn't anything to talk about. And as he entered the room, ready to get some antiseptic for the cut on his face and possibly also a painkiller even though he doesn't actually have a headache, Mr. Striker thought of something to say to him._ _

__"You planning on coming to class later? It starts in thirty."_ _

__Since it was such a short time from now and his teacher already caught him sneaking out of school and cutting class _once_ , he figured it'd be best to show up and just stay hidden in the corner of the room for the History lesson. Even if he did share that class with the boy who's no longer supposed to be his best friend. He'd much rather feel every once of heartbreak the world has to offer than risk the school calling home and having Mandel show up, where he could easily figure out who the boy he's seeing is. Was seeing. "Yeah. Yeah, I'll make it." _ _

__"All right, Johnny. But if you really don't feel well enough to attend, I could always call home and have someone come and get you." The concerned look on the elder's face twisted up his insides. He didn't want all of his teachers worrying about him. This was supposed to stay between himself and his uncle. There's no reason to drag anybody else into his mess of a life. Quite frankly, he's trying to do the exact opposite._ _

__"No! I mean.. that's really not necessary, Mr. S. It's just a minor headache. I'll be there. In class, I mean."_ _

__"You sure you're all right, son?"_ _

__He winced at the term of endearment he hadn't heard since.. it's not important._ _

__"I will be after I take a Tylenol."_ _

__Mr. Striker looked very hesitant to leave as he stood in the doorway, bag slung over one shoulder and only crinkling his nice dress shirt and vest the slightest bit. He let out a soft sigh, adjusting the strap and bidding the junior farewell. "See you there, kid."_ _

__Johnny let out a sigh of relief at finally getting away from all the concerned faces of his teachers for a minute.  
When the nurse finally came out of whatever room she was hidden in, she didn't react too much to the cut on his face, just put some antiseptic cream on it as well as three butterfly bandages to keep the cut from splitting wide open. Then he was off on his merry way, only getting told to report the bully who did it for the third time that day. _ _

__He waited until the last possible second to grab the books needed for history class from his locker. If he'd went any earlier, Trevor no doubt would've been just around the corner waiting for him. He zipped up his backpack about halfway before slinging it over his his shoulder and walking as quickly as his body would allow him toward Mr. Strikers classroom.  
He managed to get through the door right as the bell rung and his teacher was asking everyone to quiet down and take their seats. Johnny pointedly did not look at the middle of the room where his.. best friend was sitting beside an empty desk that was assigned to him that semester. _ _

__"John?" He heard but ignored as he walked right past the boy to sit in the very back of the class where he could barely read the board from. He set all of his crap on the floor and kept his head down, even as Trevor got up from his seat to sit in the empty desk to his left. "Where the hell have you been all day? You didn't show up early for school, and you missed second period.. I'm worried." His voice softened at the end, and he placed a warm hand on Johnny's knee. Which he quickly shook off after getting over the initial shock._ _

__They slept together the night previous, and now he's ignoring him like the douchebag he never wanted to be. He always aimed to care for and love him, but now it wasn't even an option. He has to do everything in his power to make the other boy hate him and never wish to speak to him again. But could he really go through life without hearing the sweet sound of his voice daily? That's the question that plagued his mind as the boy who's no longer supposed to be his friend let out a shaky breath and tried his hand at gaining his attention once more._ _

__"Was it something I did? 'Cause if this is about me being too clingy last night-"_ _

__He couldn't hold it in any longer and used the only tactic that might get him to leave him alone. Trevor would never put up with someone being mean all the time, so that's exactly what he'd do. "Yes, it is. So leave me **alone**." _ _

__It was in that moment that the other boy turned enough to finally notice the stark white butterfly bandages on his face, his expression dropping until he was a ghostly shade of white. "What- what happened to your face?" His whispered words were barely audible, and the shaky hand being extended toward his face was suddenly harshly swat down to Johnny's desk. It took a moment, and looking at the tears welling up in his friend's eyes, to realize that _he_ was the one who had smacked his hand away. Even if it wasn't anything too extreme, he still hurt his friend, his lover. And he wasn't proud of it, but he couldn't take it back either. "Come talk to me when you're done being a dick." The younger muttered before getting up from his seat and plopping back down into his assigned one toward the middle of the room. _ _

__Johnny found himself tangling his fingers in his mane of hair, blunt fingernails digging into his scalp, and teeth clenched together in anger. A couple of students glanced back at him, but it wasn't enough to bring him back to present time. He was lost in a swirling storm of regret, and memories of everything that'd gone down the night previous. And not just the horrible, horrible beat down he received from Mandel, but the good stuff too. The really, _really_ good stuff. The intense feeling of making love to his b- to his lover, and holding him impossibly close afterwards for a mere twenty minutes. Just the memory of being able to hold him and be close to him was enough to bring tears to his eyes and make it hard to breathe. Because along with the memory came the knowledge that he'd never be able to do that again. _ _

__He may only be seventeen, but the thoughts that plagued his mind were depressing enough to break any man._ _

__After history, he walked straight past Trevor in the hallway and ignored him just as he'd been doing since he parked in the lot that morning. The loud sound of a locker door slamming could be heard from halfway down the long hallway, reverberating throughout his skull and giving him the motivation to speed up his walking pace._ _

__It was now lunchtime, and he'd most definitely be avoiding the cafeteria in favor of sitting behind the bleachers on the football field. If he got bored he could always just watch the seniors practice. But, seeing as the way things are working out for him, he'd likely just be moping around and trying not to cry._ _

__After sitting behind the bleachers and listening to the loud shouts of the players and the coach for the better part of forty-five minutes, he hesitantly reentered the building and went straight to his locker before lunch ended and Trevor could corner him and ask questions about why he's being such a dick and ignoring him. God, it's like his life has turned into a sickeningly stereotypical teenage love story over night. Only difference being his doesn't have a happy ending. There's only pain and suffering down the dark road he's paved for himself._ _

__He went through the remainder of his classes feeling empty and sad, using sixth period, his free one, to sit in his car and do nothing for a little under an hour until wrestling practice was about to start and it was time for him to drag his exhausted ass back into the building and head toward the locker room to get changed for the occasion. And as he was grabbing his gym clothes, getting ready to change in the bathroom instead of in front of all the guys who'd see the marks on his body, Trevor blocked his path to the private area the next room over._ _

__"Move." he grit out, eyes looking to the side of the younger's head. He couldn't bare to look into those dejected pools of brown without breaking down and crying._ _

__"How about you explain why it is you're ignoring me, then maybe I'll think of letting you get past."  
Since there really wasn't any point in trying to get past the best wrestler in the whole school, he let out a exasperated sigh and feigned indifference._ _

__"In the bathroom, I gotta change."  
Surprisingly enough, Trevor went along with it, turning on his heel and leading the way toward the private area and only attracting a few lingering stares from the other half-naked guys in their roster. For all Johnny knew, they all could've been staring at his friend's amazing body, or wondering why it is they were running off together and taking such a tense atmosphere with them. _ _

__"I really don't see why you need to change privately, John. You've never shied away from baring it all before." Trevor said as soon as they'd made it through the door of the boy's bathroom. He leaned his back against the wall, arms crossed in a closed off manner. Johnny didn't blame him, he really was being a dick. But being a dick seemed to be the only way to make the other resent him. "Anyway, are you ready to explain yourself?"_ _

__"I still gotta change, Mann." Johnny replied, walking into an empty bathroom stall and stripping down to just his boxer briefs. He winced when he lifted his arms above his head to get his long sleeved shirt off and put on a sleeveless one. He stayed in the stall for longer than necessary, trying to figure out how he's gonna break things off with his friend and not have to explain himself too much._ _

__"I've seen you naked countless of times, John. Including last night. So I don't see why you're- acting like this."_ _

__He soon came out of the cubicle, the clothes he'd changed out of crumbled up in his hands. He fiddled with the jeans he was holding as he began to speak. "I.. this-" he sighed inwardly, rolling his shoulders back and straightening his spine. He was once again cool and confident looking. He'd need to be if wanted to make everything look believable. "Whatever it is we used to have must come to an end, Trevor."_ _

__The younger pushed himself off the wall, coming closer to Johnny and looking at him like he'd just gotten slapped across the face. "What- what are you talking about?"_ _

__"I think that whole.. plowing into your ass night after night thing was just a phase. And now I'm totally over you. I don't need you in my life anymore."_ _

__What hurt even more than saying those sickening words was the hurt in Trevor's eyes. Even if the boy didn't believe a word he was saying, it still him hurt all the same. "Y-you're lying. You can't tell me that all those nights we shared meant nothing to you. You can't tell me that all the memories we've made in your car, or even mine, meant nothing to you."_ _

__"Took me a while to realize it, but I was never actually into you. It was all just a phase. A phase you put me through after you came out to me as a.. a faggot and threw yourself at me. Weaseled your way into my pants and gave me the idea to experiment early on in life so that if I go off to college, I can focus on more important things in life other than wanting to know what anal feels like, and whether or not I like it. Turns out I don't." Johnny felt like throwing up as he brushed past the boy who's no longer his friend. He didn't manage to get very far, as Trevor grabbed on tight to his wrist and wouldn't let him leave no matter how hard he tried to escape his hold.  
He didn't dare turn to face him, couldn't, but could tell just by the way he breathed that there were tears in his eyes. _ _

__"Is.. is this some sorta sick joke? John, I've- We've shared so much with each other. Everything, actually. We've been best friends since middle school, and- and now you choose to.. to start hurting me and being a dick. Why?"_ _

__"I already told you. I don't need.. I don't need you ruining my social life by trying to turn me into a- a disgusting fairy like you. I don't need or love you. Never did. It was all an act to- to.."_ _

__"To what? Say it to my face, John. Tell me you hate me. Tell me you never fucking loved me the way I love you."  
He turned in the younger's grip, looking him directly in the eye and hoping he wore a half-decent facade to mask his slowly shattering heart. Why is it that he feels such.. such intense pain and agony when _he's_ the one breaking things off with Trevor? He shouldn't have the right to feel dead inside when only god knows what's going through the other boy's mind. And since he's such a awful, inconsiderate person, he said the one thing that would ruin any chance of them ever rekindling the fire that burns within whenever they're together. _ _

__He tried to keep a steady voice as he told the biggest lie he's ever had to tell in his seventeen years of being alive on this planet. "I hate you, Trevor Mann. I _hate_ you. And guess what? I **never** loved you." _ _

__The other boy released his wrist from his vice-like grip, letting out the shakiest breath Johnny's ever heard come from him, and squeezing his eyes shut as a few tears slid down his red, splotchy cheeks._ _

__"Okay." Trevor said in the most broken voice he's ever heard. Then, as tears slid down his cheeks, walked past him and out of the bathroom. Johnny decided to stay behind a minute, allow a couple of tears to escape his eyes, check to see if his shirt covered the bruises littering his skin, then made his way out into the locker room to put away his clothes. On his way to the gym where they have practice, someone walked a bit faster to catch up with him. And, upon glancing to his left, realized it was PJ._ _

__"Hey, did you see the way Trevor ran out of the locker room balling his eyes out? Jack told me he heard the kid's skipping practice today."_ _

__"Oh, really? Wonder why.." he said, trying not to sound too guilty. He and PJ weren't all that close of friends with each other, so he wouldn't be all that surprised if he didn't know about about their close-_ _

__"Yeah, it was really weird. Say, aren't you two kind of friends or something?"_ _

__"We used to, uh, hang out sometimes. But haven't in a long while. So uh, yeah. We're not really friends anymore. Nor were we ever.. just kinda known each other since middle school and had a couple of classes together." He said, lying straight through his teeth._ _

__"Heh, and wrestling too." PJ added. "Why did you two stop hanging out? If you don't mind my asking."_ _

__"Uh.. well, he kinda tried coming on to me a couple of times, and it made things really uncomfortable between us. So, yeah.. I ended that acquaintanceship pretty damn quickly."_ _

__"Wait- he's _gay?_ I mean, I always had my suspicions, but now that I know for sure that he's.. y'know, it kind of makes things a little.."_ _

__"Weird? Uncomfortable? Awkward? Gross?"_ _

__"Pretty much, dude. I don't think I'll ever be able to fight him the same way again.."_ _

__"Right? You'll just have to use more force against him. Make him bleed."_ _

__"No thanks, I might just catch AIDS." PJ said with a slight chuckle._ _

__It almost felt.. natural falling into the pattern of being a douchebag and talking shit about his late best friend. But just because it felt 'natural' to him didn't mean it wasn't a shitty feeling. He felt horrified as the words and phrases flew past his lips and he just kept and kept going on and on about how he's so glad he doesn't talk to him anymore, and even managing to slip in homophobic language as often as he possibly could to make things seem more believable. Up until he reached the gym and had to stop talking to begin sulking and half-listening to whatever it is his coach had to say before he was paired up to spar with none other than the slightly annoying boy who he'd been conversing with on the walk over._ _


	3. Chapter 3

Halfway through practice, when Johnny had his sparring partner in a chokehold, Trevor decided to show up after all. His shy, lethargic gait caused the long haired boy to get lost in the moment, watching him walk past and over to the corner of the room where he sat down and hid his hands in the sleeves of his bright yellow hoodie. Strange, he wasn't wearing that earlier. Then all of a sudden he felt hands frantically tapping against his forearm as well as the loud sound of his coach telling him to release PJ. 

"Oh. Sorry 'bout that, man." He mumbled after releasing his tight hold on the other junior. "Didn't.. didn't mean to." 

His sparring partner coughed for a good minute, trying to catch his breath after the merciless air choke he had him. He didn't mean to get _that_ distracted. Trevor just... he looks so _broken_. 

"Look, Mundo.. If you're gonna be all distracted, why don't you just go practice grappling techniques with Mann over there? He isn't doing anything." His coach's hands were resting atop his shoulder, gently turning him in the direction of his ex-friend, who was still sitting in the corner looking depressed as ever. 

"I think it's probably best if I just-" 

"No, you're gonna clear your head with some exercises that won't end in someone's death, kiddo."   
At Johnny's nervous expression, his coach sighed. "Look, the kid may be the champ 'round here, but he ain't gonna hurt you unless you're askin' for it." 

"Sure. Yeah. I'll- I'll just spar with him.." he whispered, still not taking a step in Trevor's direction. 

"Then how 'bout you start moving your feet?.. What, did you two have a falling out or something?" 

"Or something." Johnny replied. He took a deep breath and slowly began walking toward the hoodie-clad boy in the corner. And even as he stood over him, casting a large shadow, the younger didn't even bother looking up. He told himself, and his uncle, that he'd stop talking to the kid, cut all ties with him. But here he was, wracking his brain for something to say to the boy with a rain cloud hanging above his head. He settled on the least affectionate thing he could think of. 

"Uh, hey, Mann.. Coach wants us to practice some grappling techniques."   
That got him to finally look up, allowing Johnny the perfect view of his red, tear stained face. 

"Why are you even talking to me? Haven't you already caused me enough pain for one day?" Trevor said, only barely able to mask the hurt in his eyes. Well, maybe it would count as masking it to anybody else but Johnny. He always knew how the junior was feeling inside. 

He had to steel himself before putting up a facade of his own. 

"Look, I don't want to be seen talking to you or getting anywhere near you, for that matter. It was coaches idea for me to come over here and spar with the loser in the corner. Turns out I'm too lethal to fight Black, so I have to fight _you_ instead." 

"I've won the most metals and trophies for this dumb school, Johnny. I'm not just some weakling anymore.." 

"Oh, that's right.. you had to work the hardest out of everyone on the team to even be any good at all." 

"And now I'm the Champ." Trevor grit his teeth, expression twisting into one of someone who's trying their hardest not to scream and cry. 

"Well, Chump, let's fight." 

He had to fight tooth and nail to keep all feelings of self-hatred from rising to the surface and poisoning his blood on the way. He had to restrain himself from pulling the boy into a hug when they had to slot their fingers together above their heads. He toyed with the younger for a moment, taking one of his hands away from his and lifting it far above his head where he couldn't reach, then, while he had him distracted, brought a knee right up into his stomach. 

The kind of wrestling Dario had taught and practiced at his school was.. not your typical stuff, you could say. The rules and regulations weren't exactly black and white, and nearly everything was legal. It was an amalgamation of many styles of wrestling. 

He could've gone easy on Trevor, not try and put him in painful submission holds he barely even tried to break out of, but he didn't. And he felt awful about it afterwards. He just got so caught up in the act, of making everything look believable to the one he was hurting as well as everyone surrounding them. He almost felt like.. like Mandel had created a monster that would be stopped at nothing to break his ex-best friend and lover. It was only a day ago that things were good, and they were happy. And now.. now his world was flipped upside down and he couldn't tell his left from his right. 

He took the awful thoughts with him all the way home and into his bed later that night. He didn't get a wink of sleep, too heavily immersed in his thoughts of world ending scenarios. Such as not having his best friend in his life any longer.. That.. that one would break him for sure. In fact, he could already feel the hole in his heart expanding, getting more and more painful as the hours flew past and it was suddenly morning and he needed to get to school within the hour. 

-

Weeks had passed by, tears had been shed, and Johnny was still wearing a mask everywhere he went. It had gotten to the point where he didn't even know who he was anymore. 

He woke up, showered, got dressed, escaped the confines of his prison and had to walk past the white picket fence surrounding the front yard and get into his car every morning. He felt like a zombie every time he had to enter the doors of the school and pretend everything was all right. Hang out with his 'posse' which consisted of PJ, Jack, and Taya, and spew words of hatred at the face of the one he still loves. 

But how could he possibly love Trevor if he treated him like- like absolute crap? He hardly knew the answer himself. All he knew was that he needed to do everything in his power to keep him out of his personal life and away from his toxic, abusive uncle who won't hesitate to put him in a world of pain if he were to ever find out his name, and also that he couldn't bare to be without him. So, I guess somewhere in the back of his mind this was his sick, twisted way of being able to keep him close without actually having him in his life. It may not make sense, but when you've been beaten, bruised, and thrown around for ages.. you somehow become your abuser. Or at least in Johnny's case he did. 

And he absolutely _hated_ to admit it to himself. 

So he tried ignoring the thoughts that maybe this was wrong, maybe he should stop and just not have Trevor in his life anymore. Find another alternative to not want kill himself every day of his life, 'cause bullying him just want cuttin' it. It made things worse for him, actually. Every time he drove home, he contemplated just driving off the side of the long and winding road and just ending It all.. but then he'd remember who it was he'd be leaving behind. 

He knows that if the whole situation were flipped around and he was in Trevor's shoes.. he'd be pissed and confused if he woke up one day and heard rumors at school about his ex-best friend and current bully killing himself. If Trevor had done the same awful things he's doing to him.. he'd still love him. He'd never be able to get over him. And he'd be left angry and heartbroken if the younger killed himself. So he always liked to imagine that Trevor would feel something other than glee if he ever drove himself off the side of a highway; and that right there would talk him off the edge. 

He shook his head to ward off the suicidal thoughts that never quite left him. Fists curling in the black fabric of the hoodie the boy he had pressed up against a row of lockers wore. The lock no doubt pressed into his back as Johnny pinned him with his hands and his intense stare. 

"You used to wear bright colors that were as gay as you are, and now you wear black. Any particular reason for that, fag?" He had an inkling as to why the younger wore such a dark, depressing pallet, but he also needed an excuse to speak to him. 

Trevor no longer even tried to break free from the submission holds he surprised him with in the hallways, or in practice. He didn't really try fighting off anything Johnny did to him anymore. Maybe he felt like there was no point? Maybe he felt the same way he does when Mandel comes after him.. like there's no use in putting up a fight 'cause it'll only make him hit you harder, and because you feel like a small, defenseless little boy in his presence. He's never viewed Trevor as defenseless, he knows how great a fighter he is. And sometimes, he just wished the boy would escape the submission hold he knew for a fact he could escape, hit him back, give him the beating he knew he deserved. But the younger never did. Never laid a hand on him in the name of self-defense. 

I guess Johnny kind of got what was coming to him, what with Mandel's increased drinking problems and late night fits of rage directed at him. Most nights were filled with pain and agony for him, crying himself to sleep not only at how much his entire body hurt, but also at what he's done to his ex-best friend. 

"No- not really, Johnny."   
That's another thing that'd changed in the last month or so. Trevor calling him by his full name instead of just 'John' like he always had since day one. He didn't hold out much hope that it would ever stop hurting. 

"I think you can come up with a better response than _that_. Wouldn't you agree, Trevy?" The boy in question didn't respond, so he flipped him around, his face now being pressed against the flat sheet of metal. And, judging by the labored breathing the action drew out from him, the lock on the thing must've been pressing into part of his body. And with the way his front was pressed against Trevor's back, it got him close to the younger without actually having _be_ close, if that makes any sense. It's how he used to surprise him with hugs in the hallway, then wait a good six seconds for him to get over his surprise and turn around in his grip to return the embrace. It usually led to a couple of kisses, and the reminder only made him press the junior further into the lockers to try and bury the memory that brought moisture to his eyes. "I said, wouldn't you agree?" 

"Maybe.. maybe I wear it to express myself. Make the way I feel on the inside be shown on the outside for the world to see." 

He didn't even want to _think_ about what that could've meant. He didn't want to believe that the younger was.. was feeling.. not too good inside all because of his incessant bullying and selfishness. Because that right there may just be enough for him to drive off the side of the road and stay at the bottom of the pit until help comes and brings his corpse to a mortuary where he'd be buried alone in the cheapest casket available because his uncle would never want to waste money on scum like him.

He slammed Trevor into the lockers once more before releasing him and trying to repress his strong emotions as the boy's knees buckled and he fell to the floor. Class already started, so no one was there to witness the bout. 

"See ya in history, faggy mc fag fag." He spoke over his shoulder, voice carrying its way down the hall and to the boy that lay atop the dirty linoleum floor of the school. He didn't have to look back to know his.. victim was crying. The quiet sniffles and hiccups carried down the hall, making him lengthen his strides and pick the pace just a little bit. All the way to Mr. Strikers classroom where he had to pretend he wasn't on the verge of tears. Pretend he wasn't absolutely broken inside and needed a hug more than ever. But the thing is, he'd never ask for one because he didn't deserve one. He is the lowest of the low, and he's become his uncle. The man- No _monster_ he never wanted to be. 

He enters Mr. Strikers classroom with eyes downcast and hands stuffed deep in his pockets. His fingertips found some lint, but his brain couldn't, for the life of him, think up an excuse for him being five minutes late. So he didn't even try explaining himself, explain why him _and_ Trevor are both late. Though, now that he thinks about it, that was the norm back when they were still.. together. He wasn't supposed to be all selfish anymore, keeping Trevor all to himself for long amounts of time. Even if it was to _bully_ him. He wasn't supposed to be drawing _more_ attention towards himself and the younger boy. 

Word might get around to Mandel, and then everything would go to shit. His ex-best friend would get beaten to death by the monster who he has to deal with when the guy isn't totally passed out drunk. Which was another thing that'd changed in the last few weeks, he'd started drinking more heavily. And now, when the guy wasn't passed out drunk, he got worse beatings than before. Nothing anywhere near as severe as.. the night he lost it all.. but still painful as hell. He usually came to school bruised and battered enough to warrant wearing a shirt during wrestling practice. He could usually get away with just wearing a sleeveless top, seeing as the bruises littering his arms could be passed off as marks from the physically demanding sport, but the ones on his ribs and stomach are far too severe for the rest of the locker room to see without reporting his case to the police and getting him in even worse trouble with his uncle if the man manages to weasel his way out of prosecution. 

Mr. Striker gave him a slightly disappointed look, arms crossed. "Should I even bother asking why you're late for the third time this week?" 

"You could, or I could skip the whole spiel and you can just let me take my seat so you can continue your lecture." 

The sigh his teacher let out told him he was exasperated, and not really in the mood to deal with this kind of crap today. "Sure, yeah. Just.. where's Trevor?" 

Without skipping a beat, he lied straight through his teeth. "Haven't seen him since.. before first period. But don't worry, teach', I'm sure he'll show up."

"Well, that's not.. disconcerting in the slightest." The history buff muttered to himself before seemingly remembering the presence of his student standing before him, and flashed him a tight-lipped smile. "You can go take your seat, Johnny. We'll just have to continue class until your.. friend shows up." 

He stood stock still, staring at Mr. Striker for a moment longer and contemplating whether to say something or just let it go and blow his whole cover. In the end, he opened his mouth and spoke words he wished oh-so badly were a lie. 

"He's _not_ my friend." 

The man eyed him for a moment, seeming to almost care about his and Trevor's severed ties. "I know it's not my place to ask, but did you two have a falling out of sorts? Neither of you have been all right or even smiled in weeks, and it's kind of worrying."

Instead of sifting through his thoughts to come up with a response, he turned on his heels and went to the back of the class where his new permanent seat was located. He tried to tune into the lecture Mr. Striker was holding, but couldn't find it in him to do so. He was stuck in a foggy daydream for god knows how long, until Trevor walked in the classroom and their teacher let him off with a warning. As the boy shuffled toward his seat a couple of rows in front of Johnny's, he saw tear stains on his cheeks and the crippling sadness in his eyes and realized that that must've been the history buff's reason for letting him off the hook so easily.   
Also, it seemed the man just wasn't having the best of days. Which is strange, considering most teachers would give you detention on the spot if you were a second late and they were in a crabby mood. 

Once his eyes had landed on the back of his ex-best friend's head, he couldn't look at or focus on anything else for the remainder of the lesson. 

He did that to Trevor. He's the reason the boy comes to school every morning looking deflated and.. and.

-

The last day of school, and junior year, had passed and Johnny had to try and fight the memories and flashbacks of Jack, PJ, Taya, and himself calling Trevor names and.. and the others keeping their distance as he kicked at him, kneed him in the ribs, squeezed his arms with all the strength he possessed until he was sure bruises had appeared on the sun-kissed skin, and.. and the kid was pulled into a very painful submission hold, as he lay in bed pulling at his hair and cursing himself for being so god damn cowardly and **stupid**. 

It'd been a month or two since.. everything ended and everything started. Confusing, I know. But it made perfect sense to Johnny. Hurting Trevor and keeping him distant from him yet.. still close also made perfect sense at the time. He's sure he could've found a better alternative, but didn't try, seeing as he had become an unstoppable.. monster. 

He didn't know if his ex-best friend ever caught glimpses of his pain and agony whenever he looked his way, whenever he shoved him up against a row of lockers and went on to beat him and spit insults at him. He was trapped inside himself and had nobody to turn to but a.. no. He wouldn't go down that dark a road. He knew he deserved all the pain and punishments his uncle directed at him. He now knew that. But it wasn't enough, and so every day he was alive and breathing he wished he could inflict some damage upon himself to.. to do the same as his uncle does to him. Only difference being he could choose just how much he felt he deserved, could control how deep he dragged the- 

He swallowed around nothing and soon felt the familiar sensation of hot tears welling up in his eyes. Threatening to spill over onto his angry red face and soak the scar on his cheek that'd opened back up not two hours ago with salt water. 

He stayed in his bed, as he couldn't move an inch without his entire body aching and screaming at him to just **stop**. But out of every bruised and bloody part of his body, his heart hurt the most. It caused him the most physical pain he's ever felt in his seventeen years of being alive. 

He soon came to the realization that heartbreak was all the pain he needed in his body to severely harm himself without actually having to draw any blood. 

So he stewed in the intense pain the organ sent throughout his entire six-foot tall frame. He grit his teeth and tried not to let out a blood-curdling scream as he convulsed, feeling as though he was having a heart attack. 

But it couldn't have been one. Because it wouldn't have been anywhere near as severe as the pain quickly spreading throughout his chest, making him curl in on himself and feel the effects brought on by merely thinking about.. him. 

It would be a long and hard three months without his.. without _him_ by his side. 

-

Sometime during those three months of summer vacation, he'd somehow got roped into driving two miles to the nearest grocery store at eight-thirty in the evening to buy chips for Mandel to eat during the 'big game' that he himself gave zero shits about. But even if he did care about it, he would never subject himself to the torture of having to sit in the same room as his.. uncle. 

He found a parking spot after spending a mere fifteen minutes circling the lot. It would've taken less time, had it not been the day of the 'big game', which happened to be airing really damn late at night. He tried not to slam his car door as he exited the vehicle, and then immediately remembering he'd left the one reusable bag he owns in said car and having to unlock it once more to grab the floral nuisance and haphazardly stuff it into the back pocket of his too tight jeans. 

The boy who'd soon be entering his senior year without.. his best friend looked both ways as he ran across the lot to enter the chilly store. Well, I guess good things _do_ come from accidentally leaving your leather jacket at home when it's eighty-five degrees outside and you're sweating up a storm. 

He shooed away all unnecessary thoughts and grabbed a shopping basket to begin his lame journey of buying multiple bags of chips for a couch potato. 

Scanning be aisles, he realized that he doesn't actually know where they keep the chips. Was it aisle three or six? He didn't know, so he continued walking around until he began to look a little bit like a lost puppy- or a lost teenager who couldn't tell the difference between Celsius and Fahrenheit. 

It was three minutes _later_ that an employee asked him if he needed any assistance, and he politely declined to preserve his manhood. And judging by the way the girl blushed a dark shade of pink and shuffled away from him, she likely found him to be attractive. Something he most certainly did _not_ need in his life at the moment. Or ever, preferably. I mean, sure, he's dated a couple of girls here and there in middle school and even freshman year of high school, but none of them really stood out to him like Trevor did. He was.. he was something special. And someone he really should've treated better. Should treat better.. but sadly, that wasn't exactly an option at this point. 

His mood was severely dampened by the thoughts of his late friend, and he continued weaving his way through every aisle he came across until he found the chips. Turns out, they keep 'em in aisle twelve and they were hiding from him all along. 

His basket was overflowing with family-sized bags of chips by the time he was exiting the junk food section, heading toward the checkout when he all of a sudden ran into the side of a shopping cart he didn't see coming. Cursing under his breath, he readied himself to apologize to the nimrod who wasn't looking where they were going, when he heard the familiar sound of Trevor frantically apologizing before he realized who it is he'd gotten T-boned by. 

The boy went silent and ducked his head as he continued pushing the cart toward.. his guardian, Konnan. He's met the tall, intimidating, and also kinda scary, guy quite a few times since he became friends with Trevor in middle school, and he wasn't exactly sure what he'd told the guy about their.. falling out, so he didn't want to draw any attention towards himself by following him over. So that's what led to him half-shouting at the boy from where his feet were still firmly planted on the ground by the colorful Sno Balls display. 

"Long time no see, eh, Trev?" He held his breath, waiting to see if the boy would continue on with his grocery shopping trip, or stop and give him the time of day. It'd been nearly a month and a half since they last spoke. And when they did, it was the last day of school.. and he'd called him a factory mistake and a disgraceful faggot.. 

He hoped he wouldn't even look his way for the rest of his time at the supermarket with his family. He was nothing but selfish and.. and just downright _awful_. 

He was mentally kicking himself as he physically began walking toward the checkout. Its best if he hurries home. Mandel doesn't like to wait, and he's most likely not going to get.. beaten by the man if he stays in his good graces and brings home all.. four? Five? Bags of chips quickly and efficiently. He was sixth in line at the express lane, noticing that most of the people ahead of him had at _least_ double the limit of items that were allowed. 

After waiting for God knows how long, two people finished checking out and there was room for him to set his many bags of chips atop the conveyor belt. To give himself something menial to do while he waited, he reached into his back pocket to grab the crumpled up reusable bag he'd stuffed in there earlier. Shaking it to un-wrinkle it and get it ready for use in about.. he'd guess around fifteen minutes, judging by the amount of shit everyone ahead of him was buying.   
When he let out a loud sigh and threw his arms to his sides in exasperation, he felt his hand make contact with a taught stomach.. abs, actually. And the 'oof' sound the boy released only served to confirm his suspicions. 

He glanced to his left only to see a slightly bent over Trevor with a hand resting atop his accidentally assaulted stomach. His mouth opened on its own volition, an apology nearly falling from his parted lips before he caught himself a millisecond before the words could tumble out and foil his entire act. 

"You walked into it, Mann." He really hoped Trevor couldn't see just how bad he felt. In the past, he's been told by him how expressive his eyes are. Trevor's eyes also happened to be quite expressive. Showing his internal dilemma. He looked to be contemplating whether he should just walk away or.. well, Johnny couldn't read his mind and he didn't want to get his hopes up. 

The soon-to-be senior took his hand off his stomach and squared his shoulders. "You could've just said sorry." 

The line moved forward as one person had finished bagging their groceries and left the building. Johnny scooted forward at the same time his items on be conveyor belt did, and, surprisingly enough, Trevor followed. 

"Well, what if I'm not?" He directed the question at the cool ranch Doritos that lay beside his elbow.

"I see it in your eyes, Johnny. Even as you beat on me and spit insults my way- there's no denying you still feel something for me. I don't know the real reason you decided to become a giant dick, but I will one day. I'll get you to tell me everything." 

He struggled to refrain from grabbing his hand and running toward his car with him. Driving out to the beach where they spent a lot of their free time together last summer. And the summers before that.. Had to refrain from explaining everything to him, apologizing, and not at all expecting it to be accepted.

He had to clench his hands into fists, feeling his blunt fingernails leave small, crescent shaped marks in his palms that'd no doubt make it less than comfortable for him to drive home. 

"I told you everything, Trevor. Why can't you just accept that we're through? That nothing we ever did together meant anything to me." Just thinking back on photo booth pictures they'd taken together at the beach not six months ago pained him. Gave him the pain he needed to not resort to other means of.. self-harm. There. He said it. 

"Nothing? Nothing at all? So you're telling me all those midnight rendezvous and- and.. when you held me during bad, rainy nights when I was having the worst flashbacks of my life- that meant _nothing_ to you?" 

The urge to pull him impossibly close and crush every bone in his body with a bear hug was- it was intense. Overwhelming, even. The immense feeling of self-hatred and.. and _want_ and need to assure him of his unyielding and everlasting love for him nearly took over his empty shell of body. He took a single step toward the boy before steeling himself and tensing every muscle in his body to keep from.. he honestly doesn't know what he would've done, had he not gotten himself under control. 

"That is exactly what I'm saying, Trevor. It meant absolutely **nothing**." 

When tears welled up in the boy's eyes, he suddenly remembered where they were and realized that the line had moved forward sometime during their confrontation and he was now standing directly in front of the cashier, who was giving him a dirty look. 

"See you in school, Johnny." The boy whispered, voice hoarse and cracked around the edges. 

The hot, salty tears rolled down his late best friend's cheeks a second before he ran in the direction of his guardian. 

"Need a bag, **sir?** " the cashier grit out. 

"No- no, I've got one right here." He mumbled in reply, setting his floral bag atop the counter and trying not to make eye contact with the large man roughly scanning and bagging his chips. He hoped they were still in all right condition, as to not upset his uncle. But then again, maybe he deserved a good beatdown right about now. After all, he just said some awful, awful things to the love of his life. And made him run off crying. In public, too. 

He paid the man and left before he could have a hole bored into the side of his head via his angry stare. 

He wasn't proud of his efforts to distance his once best friend from his life. Hell, he fucking _cried_ all the way home. The tears not once letting up until he was in the driveway and had to face his uncle for a moment to make the hand off. 

He only got yelled at a little for taking so damn long. Well, at least to him it was a little. For other normal teenagers with a happy home life it would've been the most severe.. 'talking to' of their lives. 

And just like he did every night since he broke the kid's heart, he crawled into bed and cried for what felt like hours, and honestly could've been. He forced himself to feel the intense pounding in his chest- the convulsions, really. Feel the ache in his heart growing more and more painful as he thought back on just how utterly _broken_ the boy looked when the burning hot tears rolled down his cheeks and he bolted. 

A nightmare filled slumber finally found him once his seemingly endless stream of tears stopped flowing down his cheeks, ceasing all together until he was hiccuping and trying to find a single drop of moisture in his mouth to swallow around.


End file.
